Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
