My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
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