I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
