My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
