Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
