Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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