I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
