they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Alive.
So much puke
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
