He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
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Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
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I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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