I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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