and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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