I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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