Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
