If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
