Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
