I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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