i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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