i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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