If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
