Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
