this just has baby written all over it
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
