Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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