sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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