Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize