We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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