She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
