2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
