I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
