so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
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i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
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Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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