We're like a lot better than the average bears
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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