if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
