How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
