what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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