Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
high people should be assigned attendants
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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