maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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