We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
