dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I love having hate sex.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
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What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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