you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
