he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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