we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
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i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
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Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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