was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
