I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
