In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Randomize
