does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
