i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
