I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize