So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
