I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
