does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
