My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
