Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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