I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I AM VODKA MAN
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
