Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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