How's work?
Spinning.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
