May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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