she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
