You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
