Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
