i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
