Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
