just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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