I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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