Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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