Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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